


Last Christmas

by LittleSpoonStyles94



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Spirit, Christmas Tree, Closeted Character, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Love at First Sight, M/M, Pining, Separation Anxiety, Snow, feeling of helplessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22016833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSpoonStyles94/pseuds/LittleSpoonStyles94
Summary: Louis Tomlinson didn't believe in love at first sight until he joined his friends for their usual traditional Christmas vacation at a cabin in the Swiss mountains and one of their friends brought his friend Harry Styles along to join them for the holidays. Louis didn't stand a chance against the charismatic, confident yet shy Gucci model. He fell, fast and hard and did nothing to stop himself until he found himself wishing he hadn't!
Relationships: Camille Rowe/Harry Styles, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Luke Hemmings/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 92





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. As promised, here is my little Christmas fic. I do hope you will enjoy it. It was inspired by Wham's 'Last Christmas.' Thank you as always for your support in reading my fics and thank you to those who share the links to my fics. You are awesome. If you wanna maybe stop and say hello you can find me on Twitter @50ShadeofMags and if you want news about upcoming fics that I'm writing or fics that I read and like, follow me on @DLarryLibrary. Okay I'll be off and let you read. All the love, M.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

but the very next day, you gave it away.

Louis huffed and tried to ignore Niall's voice that was loud and far too excited. He flipped through the channels mindlessly trying his best to not listen to his friend whine.

'Come on Lou stop being a grinch! It's the most wonderful time of the year when hearts are warm and light and it's the season to be jolly and all that and God knows you need a little jolly in yer life mate. You know it's our sacred tradition to meet up at the cabin with the lads for Christmas and the New Year. We do it every year!' Louis continued to flip through the channels calm and not bothered.

'It stopped being a tradition when it stopped being the four of us. Ever since Zayn got with Liam and Liam started inviting his model friends along it wasn't our tradition anymore. Now it's loads of people who we don't even know that have crashed on our tradition,' Louis told him. Niall flopped down on the couch beside him.

'Lou they are our friends too. They've been coming to the cabin for the past two years now. You know Harris and Kendall and Camille and Bella and Gigi. You can invite Eleanor to come along this year. You like Eleanor,' Louis rolled his eyes.

'Eleanor is just a friend of my sisters. Besides, Harris is always all over me. He gropes me Niall,' he said. Niall laughed and nudged him in the ribs.

'Harris has the hots for you. Maybe you should get laid, relax a little.'Louis shot him a killer look and Niall was quick to put both his palms up. 'Okay alright maybe getting laid with Harris is not the best idea but you can invite El. She wants to be a model too right and you yourself told me how she can't catch a break. Consider this as you being her secret Santa by inviting her for a ten day break with all these models. Imagine how happy she will be....'

'You're the fucking worst!' Louis spat at him. 'Trying to guilt trip me into it because of Eleanor and her non existent career!'

'Rude!' Niall said laughing. 'Don't let her hear you say that.'

'Well it's the fucking truth innit? She never modeled! She only blogs about fashion and modelling.'

'There you go then,' Niall insisted. 'She might catch a break.' Louis rolled his eyes again.

'Yeah sure! You only want me to go because of your damn crush on Bella even though she told you repeatedly she's not interested!'

'Meanie!' Niall pouted. 'I will woe her with my Irish charm this year.'

'Been there. Done that mate,' Louis told him as he turned up the volume on the BBC news. Niall pouted and made puppy eyes at Louis.

'Oh come on Lou please say we'll go,' he whined. Louis huffed.

'Ni, you're a grown ass man you can go without me,' Louis argued. Niall feigned shock horror.

'And leave you all alone for the holidays? What kind of friend would I be if I left you alone during these times of love and family and sharing and giving? If you stay then I'm staying too.' Louis let his head roll back on to the back of the couch and groaned.

'Fine! I'll fucking go but you owe me and I'm not inviting Eleanor!' Niall jumped him, tackling him to the couch.

'I love you. We are going to have so much fun you'll see. We'll build a snowman. Do you wanna build a snowman Lou?' Louis struggled beneath Niall's weight that was pinning him to the couch.

'Get off me you fucking pest! The only fun I'll be having is getting wasted and sleeping through the festivities.' Niall began tickling Louis.

'No you won't Tommo. We'll have lots of fun and you will love me for persuading you to come along.'

x

Louis and Niall arrived at the cabin in the Switzerland mountain shortly after Zayn and Liam. The snow was thick and deep, the temperature steadily falling lower and lower below zero. Louis and Niall were bundled up like snowmen, their noses and cheeks red. They lugged up their luggage up the front steps of the cabin and entered the foyer,shaking snow off them and dumping their bags on the thick rug. They were glad that Zayn and Liam had arrived before them. It was an agreement between the four of them that whoever arrived first at the cabin had the task of starting up the fireplaces around the cabin to get it to warm up as soon as possible.

Louis and Niall took off their beanies, scarves and gloves just as Zayn and Liam came to greet them, wrapping them both in bear hugs and squeezing them tight.

'God I missed you two so much,' Liam said as he buried his face in Louis'neck. Louis rubbed his back affectionately, finding himself relaxing in his friend's familiar warmth.

'I missed you too Li,' he murmured. The four of them walked into the large kitchen, Christmas music playing while Zayn busied himself making tea for everyone. The cabin belonged to Zayn's family who were kinda well off but Zayn had never let his family's wealth change him.He was a professional photographer and artist. He loved to paint and draw and despite their social status and wealth, his parents had never held him back from persuing his dreams. It was during a photoshoot for D&G that he had met Liam two years prior and they had been together since. Zayn had told Louis once that when he had seen Liam, it had been love at first sight and Louis had mocked him saying that no such thing existed and that it was only the stuff of fairytales and romance novels! Zayn had laughed and ruffled his hair and told him it will happen to him one day if he only believed. Louis said he didn't, but secretly, he did! He just had no hope or belief that it would happen to him.

The cabin was big. The word cabin didn't do it justice though. It was more like a very big log Hollywood house, with sprawling grounds that led to a forest of pines and oaks behind the cabin. The cabin sported a large living room, a larger kitchen/dining room, a games/theater room, a sauna/jacuzzi room and six bedrooms ensuite upstairs. Outside it was sprawling forest and mountains all white with snow as far as the eye could see. It was a winter wonderland and Louis had to admit that he loved it here. It was relaxing and peaceful and he loved spending Christmas and the New Year with his friends. He preferred it when it had been just the four of them but he couldn't do anything to stop their group from growing. Now there were other people who joined them, mostly friends of Liam and Zayn who were also in the modelling business. At least though they had managed to keep most of their traditions like decorating the tree together, building snowmen,snowball fights, sleigh ride races down the slopes, roasting chestnuts and marshmellows over the fireplace and strictly no music but Christmas music. Their Christmas spirit was high and a must!

Christmas music floated round the now warming cabin. Liam and Zayn had set up fairy lights in the kitchen and living area so the cabin was cosy. Zayn slid mugs of hot tea towards Louis and Niall as they all sat at the breakfast bar, chatting and catching up. Liam told them that he had just signed a contract with Hugo Boss to model their underwear. Zayn told them that he had been contacted by Gucci to shoot their new tailoring campaign. They had informed him that they had the new face for their campaign but he would be given more details later. Niall and Louis shared news of their own regarding their careers and jobs until voices from the foyer disturbed them. They all got up and headed to the foyer to see who had arrived. It was Camille, Kendall, Gigi and Bella all huddled up in snow suits, beanies, scarves and mittens with a shit load of Louis Vuitton and Gucci luggage. Who in the name of Christmas spirit brought that much luggage for just ten days, most of which would be spent inside or in the snow? There was no way in hell that Louis was going to help take up all that shit upstairs! He and Niall only had one large duffle each!

They all greeted each other, the girls giggling and squealing excitedly. Liam and Zayn led them into the kitchen where Zayn began making another round of tea and hot chocolate as everyone talked happily.

'Who's yet to arrive?' Kendall asked. 'Or is this all?' Liam handed her a renideer mug full of hot chocolate.

'There's only Harris left to arrive and a friend he's bringing with,' he told her. Louis rolled his eyes internally. Harris was too much for him.He always flirted with Louis relentlessly no matter how many times Louis refused his flirtations and made it clear to him that he wasn't interested. He had nothing against Harris personally. He was a great guy and all. He just wasn't his type. Harris was loud and flamboyant and overly feminine, with long copper hair, lots of bling and the more glitter and sequins he wore, the better he felt and flaunted it and Louis honestly found nothing wrong with that; it just wasn't his type. Louis' type was anything but Harris.

A loud squeal of "hello darlings the queen is here" brought Louis out from his thoughts as Harris' shrieky voice brought him to the present. Kendall, Camille, Gigi and Bella all bolted from their seat because they doted on Harris. He was one of the girls! Loud squeals came from the foyer as Liam, Zayn, Louis and Niall followed the girls to greet Harris and his friend. As Louis emerged from the kitchen behind Niall, he paused, stopped in his tracks by the handsome man standing next to Harris who was smiling softly as Harris introduced him to the girls. He was as tall as Harris but he had broad shoulders and a mass of short curly hair and the most radiant smile Louis had seen. Liam, Zayn and Niall were greeting Harris and the new comer but Louis was just hanging back as if suspended in time where the world had been put on pause and he was just staring at the man as he smiled bigger and fucking hell popping dimples in both his cheeks while hes hook hands with Liam, Zayn and Niall.

A hard nugde in the ribs made him blink. The world had resumed turning, loud voices around him and Liam was talking to him.

'What?' he asked and he felt a little dumb.

'This is Harry, Harris' friend,' Liam told him. Louis' eyes found Harry's and he was mesmerized by the lovely shade of green that were staring right at him, smiling and shining.

'Hello Louis nice to meet you,' Harry said holding out his hand to Louis and felt paralyzed by that deep, slow voice that washed over him. Another nudge. He quickly held out his hand which was enveloped in a very large warm hand and cold metal rings.

'Hi. Hello yeah nice to meet you too,' he said in a rush and Harry smiled at him, his eyes curious as he saw Louis fumble through his greeting. And then the moment was lost when Harris engulfed him in a hug, pressing his long thin body against Louis'.

'And here's my boy,' he whispered trying to make his voice sound husky but failing miserably because Harris' voice was thin and high pitched but if Harry had said that, in that deep drawl of his, then wow god damn fucking hell it would've made Louis' spine tingle. Harris pressed his lips to Louis' cheek and it took everything Louis had to stop from wiping the sticky lipstick mark left on his cheek. Harris looked at Harry as he wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulder pulling him into his side.

'This is my dream man Harry, the one I have been telling you about. Isn't he just beautifully perfect?' Harris gushed. Harry gave him a small smile, his eyes never leaving Louis'.

'Even more beautifully perfect than you made him out to be. Your description of him didn't do him justice Harris,' Harry said and holy fuck Louis felt his knees go weak. Harry smirked at him, popping one dimple and fuck Louis was fucked! Harris cuddled himself tighter into Louis.

'Isn't he?' he purred. 'Maybe this year I can convince him to take me out on a date. He's playing hard to get my Louis is aren't you baby,' Harris said and Louis wanted to push him off of him and fall at Harry's feet. Instead he scoffed, eyes still tightly locked on Harry.

'Keep dreaming,' he said sassily as Harris pouted playfully, pursing his lips and running them over Louis' stubble.

'You will eventually,' he purred and Louis wondered what will it take to get Harris to stop this shit and to stop making him unavailable in front of this god standing in the foyer. He disentangled himself from Harris who was stuck to him like a fucking octopus.

'Is it alcohol time yet?' Louis asked and everyone cheered. Thank fuck! He needed alcohol. He turned and made his way into the kitchen in just enough time to catch his breath before the others all followed. He really wasn't expecting Harry Styles! And suddenly he was glad he came to the cabin because if he played his cards right, he might find himself with that Christmas angel!

They all gathered round the kitchen island as Zayn produced a variety of bottles of alcohol while Liam produced a blender, mixers and an array of fruit. There were happy cheers from everyone as Mariah Carey sang "All I Want For Christmas Is You" and Louis reckoned that he was going to need a good amount of alcohol before he could pluck up the courage to chat up Harry who was wedged between Harris and Camille, the latter flirting shamelessly with him. Louis watched as Harry smiled at her, laughed and was he flirting back? Louis sighed inwardly. He was going to need a lot of alcohol before the night was through.

An hour later everyone was almost sloshed. They had all moved into the living room, the roaring fire keeping everyone warm and toasty as Pau lMaCartney sang "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time." Louis could feel the effects of the alcohol. He was relaxed and he felt a little floaty. For the last hour he had been watching Harry and he had learned a little about him like he was actually the new muse Gucci had acquired for their tailoring campaign and that Zayn would be photographing him. He had also picked up on the fact that even though Harry was a model and the son of Desmond and Anne Styles of Haus of Styles and was quite big in the modelling/fashion industry,he was very down to earth, humble, respectful and easy going. He wasn't full of himself and though not shy he wasn't loud, though he had a weird laugh, a cross between a cackle and a snort, causing him to occasionally cover his mouth and for his cheeks to turn pink when he was too loud. And Louis was soaking it all up, watching him laugh and drink his Margaritas as the blond chick, Camille was it, flirted with him relentlessly and he seemed oblivious to her flitrations and sexual innuendos. Kendall seemed to be starting to flirt with him too and he was either too wasted to notice or wasn't interested which Louis highly doubted. He was a model, they were models, it was all mix and match wasn't it? They tended to gravitate towards each other didn't they? The moment Camille nuzzled his neck and he giggled,Louis knew he needed a smoke and some fresh air because that giggle of Harry's was doing things to him. He got up and walked into the kitchen, picked up his smokes and lighter, slid open the back sliding door and stepped out on the deck.

It was freezing out but he welcomed the cold air and falling snow, shocking his system and sobering him up a little. He took out a cigarette,placed it between his lips and lit up. He took a long drag and exhaled a puff of white smoke into the cold night air as snow fell around him, settling on his fringe and lashes. He started to shiver from the cold but he needed to clear his head. He knew that he was being irrational feeling jealous of Harry. He had just met the man a little over an hour ago but he couldn't deny that the attraction to him was instantaneous even though they barely exchanged two words. He couldn't help but build a whole scenario in his head of how that beautiful boy would fall in love with him at first sight. Louis snorted. He was not going to entertain Zayn's idea of love at first sight. It wasn't a thing! He had been single for a long time that was it. He hadn't felt an attraction to someone for a while that's all it was and Harry was beautiful and maybe, just maybe he was Louis' type. Niall was right though, he needed to get laid and stop hoping to find the greatest love of his life. He really couldn't help his heart or wandering mind who were always in search of that someone could he?

The sound of the door opening brought him out of his thoughts. He turned to look at who had intruded on his pity party and he saw Harry stepping out on to the snow covered deck wrapped in a fleece blanket.He smiled at Louis and Louis automatically smiled back. Harry walked towards him.

'Here, I brought you a blanket. You left without a jacket and you were all warm in there and out here its...well, I just thought,' he paused and looked down at his hands that were holding a fleece blanket much like his own. 'Sorry I'm rambling. I ramble when I'm nervous,' he apologized. He held out the blanket to Louis. Louis took it and wrapped it around his shoulders, loving that Harry was kind and clearly attentive.

'Thank you,' he said and watched Harry raise his eyes and meet his and give him another smile. It was awkward standing there in the snow with him but Louis didn't want him to leave. Harry shifted from one foot to the other and Louis really wanted to say something to him, start up a conversation to keep him here but his tongue felt tied. Harry cleared his throat.

'So ugh um Harris he ugh he really likes you. He talked about you a lot when ugh we were um coming here,' Harry said and Louis found it so endearing that this beautiful creature was stammering to talk to him. Louis lit up another cigarette.

'Did he now?' he said and what the fuck? Did he want to know what Harris was saying about him to Harry? Yes, of course he fucking did. Harry smiled softly, shyly.

'He did. When ugh we got here and I um saw you, I kinda knew who you were right away. They didn't need to ugh introduce me to you. He is um kinda ugh obsessed with your eyes. He kept saying how ugh blue they were so um yeah sorry rambling but yeah he um was r-right. I mean your eyes they ugh yeah. I'll shut up now.' Louis smiled. Harry was so cute. Harry was a lot of things that Louis looked for in a potential partner.

'Yeah Harris is kinda obsessed with my eyes,' Louis chuckled. Harry fumbled with the blanket round his shoulders.

'They ugh they are um a very nice shade of blue,' he mumbled shyly and Louis could see him blushing. It was a pretty sight.

'Thank you,' Louis said because what could he say to a compliment? Just then Niall poked his head out of the door.

'The fuck you two are doing out here in the freezing cold? Get your asses in here we're going to start decorating the tree,' he said and ducked back in. Harry and Louis didn't move. Both looked at each other.

'Guess we better,' Harry began motioning with his head to the door.

'I'll just finish this,' Louis told him indicating his smoke. Harry nodded and turned towards the door, his shoulders a little hunched forward.For a model he hunched a bit Louis thought.

'He um,' Louis began and cleared his throat. Harry stopped and looked at him expectantly over his shoulder. 'Harris. He ugh is not my type,' Louis said and then mentally kicked himself in the head because why in fuck's name would he give Harry this piece of information? Harry gave him a small smile and bit his bottom lip.

'Nice to know,' he said softly and ducked inside. Louis groaned. Why was he being such a weird twat around the guy? He was probably freaking him out with his weirdness! Louis took a long deep drag off his cigarette. He was nervous. When had he ever been nervous around a guy? He was Mr. Cool. Mr. Sass. Mr. Put Together. Mr. Got His Shit Together. So why was he feeling like a teenager crushing on the new boy in class?

He stubbed out his cigarette and headed back inside, shaking the snow out of his hair as he went. When Louis entered the living room, he found a beautiful chaos. Harry, Niall and Zayn where trying to get the tree to stand up, struggling with it's long thick branches, Niall cursing and swearing that one of the branches was going to poke his eye out, Harry laughing hysterically making Louis' belly flutter because did he even know how beautiful he was? Did he have an idea what a pure aura he was surrounded by?

Liam, Harris and the girls were opening boxes pulling our colored tinsel,tree decorations and lots of fairy lights to go on the tree. 'Let It Snow" was playing loudly, creating the perfect Christmas atmosphere and Louis felt warm inside. He blamed it on the alcohol he had been consuming certainly not on a certain boy. As he walked further into the room, he watched Camille walk over to Harry and wrap a red tinsel around his neck as if it was a feather boa and he smiled down at her,happily parading around like a peacock, sashaying his narrow hips round the room. Kendall decided then to throw in one of her gold tinsel, wrapping it around Harry's curls like a fucking halo and who in fuck needed an angel or star to sit on the tree when they had Harry the Angel in the room? Camille and Kendall both oohhed and aahhed at Harry in various tones and pitches, vying for his attention and where they seriously flirt fighting to see who would get Harry?

And then a green tinsel was wrapped around his own neck and arms were wrapped around his waist and for a moment, Louis dared to dream that it was Harry who had his arms around him if the said boy wasn't in front of him laughing like a dork when Niall put on a pair of reindeer antlers on his head instead of the tinsel, but then a pair of sweet sticky lips were pressed into his cheek.

'You are the prettiest,' Harris whispered in his ear and Louis didn't mean to cringe but he did. He wanted to bat his hands away and move away from Harris' body that was wrapped around him like a damn sloth. It was then that Harry chose to look up and in his direction. Their eyes met across the room and did Harry's eyes dim for a second, his smile faltering or was Louis' alcohol induced mind playing nasty tricks on him? Harry quickly looked away and when he laughed again at something Niall said, it wasn't the hearty laugh he had been laughing before.

'Come decorate the tree with me,' Harris told him as he took Louis' hand and tugged him towards the bare tree beside the fireplace. Louis let Harris move him into the living room. He ended up standing next to Harry who had a bundle of tangled fairy lights in his hands thrust there by Liam and told to disentangle them. He looked at Louis rather helplessly, a look of dismay on his face. And Louis was not going to allow Harry to look dismayed. It didn't suit him. He smiled at him.

'Do you need help with that?' Louis asked him and just like that, the dismayed look on his face was gone, replaced by a small shy smile and big hopeful eyes and Louis knew he was fucking done for.

'Please,' Harry said softly and his voice made Louis swoon on the inside. This was ridiculous! Harry passed the tangled mass of wire to Louis. In the process of the transaction, their fingers brushed and for a moment Louis wondered if somebody had plugged in the fairy lights and they had short circuited and given him an electrical shock but the lights in his hands were still tangled and off and holy fucking shit,their fingers had sizzled when they had touched and by the astonished look on Harry's face, he had felt it too. Louis thought all this to be too cliché, like a Hallmark Christmas movie but he could feel the attraction to the boy, the need to know him, touch him, kiss him and woah he needed to tone it down. Louis cleared his throat and took the tangled wires from Harry. He sat down on the couch and Harry plopped down next to him, so close that his thigh touching Louis' and Louis began slowly untangling the fairly lights, Harry occasionally helping, their fingers occasionally brushing, both exchanging furtive glances and small shy smiles from Harry. Louis knew he was fucked. Big time.

The evening progressed, the drinks flowed and everyone became merry. The flirting intensified between Kendall and Camille and Harry, not that Harry flirted back. He seemed to have only eyes for Louis. Harris touched Louis every chance he could and Louis wanted to scream at him because at this point, he only wanted Harry to touch him. As they decorated the tree, "Last Christmas" by Wham played in the background and Harry dared move closer to Louis, passing him tree decorations, tinsel and lots of shy smiles and Louis wondered how he did it. He was beautiful and people looked at him, people wanted him, he was confident and sure of himself yet he became quiet and shy at times and Louis loved this side of him that Harry seemed not to share with everyone. He was kinda loud and vivacious around the others but with Louis? He was soft and timid and quiet and Louis loved it.

After the tree was done, they all moved into the dining room for dinner. Liam and Zayn had been busy cooking, taking turns to check on the food while they kissed each other in passing. Now they all sat at the long table, decorated with a lovely festive table cloth and red candles. Harris sat on Louis' left and Louis thanked the joyful Christmas spirit for Harry sitting on his right. Harris' hand found its way on to Louis' thigh, making him jump when Harris squeezed it.Louis glared at him but Harris only winked and made kissy lips at him. Louis rolled his eyes. He turned to look at Harry and found him already looking at him, not really sure what the look on his face was. Disappointment? Longing? Defeat? Had he seen Harris touch him? Louis gave him a smile, one that he hoped was open and friendly.Harry just nodded, picked up his water glass and took a long drink.

The meal proceeded with lots of laughter, wine, stories and Harris touching Louis' thigh under the table. Louis had removed his hand twice and twice Harris' hand had made it's way to his thigh again. Louis huffed and pushed his chair back. All eyes around the table went on him except Harry's. Harry kept his gaze fixed on his empty plate.

'Going for a smoke,' Louis felt the need to announce to the whole room. He grabbed his pack and lighter and headed out to the back door. It was snowing harder now and he mentally slapped himself for not bringing his jacket. The dining room had been toasty warm with the fireplace blazing but he was glad for the cold air that slapped him to his senses. He secretly hoped Harry would come out with a blanket but he didn't. He finished his smoke and went back inside only to find that Camille had taken his place and was almost sitting in Harry's lap. He sat in her place, across from Harry between Kendall and Niall. Louis looked at Harry but he was engrossed laughing and talking to Camille.Louis huffed. The fuck was going on here?

Finally,the table was cleared, plates, cutlery and glasses washed and everyone had moved to the living room while Zayn and Liam made tea and coffee. Louis felt tired. He was on the couch and Harry was sitting on the rug by the Christmas tree, the fairy lights making him glow. Louis closed his eyes for a second because he was really tired.Next thing he knew, he felt something soft against his cheek. He wanted to open his eyes but they were so heavy and he was so warm and comfortable. Then he heard a soft "hey" and he opened his eyes to find Harry hovering over him. Was he dreaming or? Harry smiled at him all soft and warm.

'Hey, you fell asleep and everyone's gone to bed so you might want to go up to bed if you don't want to have horrible neck ache tomorrow.' Louis blinked. Harry's hand was still caressing his cheek. Louis sat up. The living room was empty and dark, just the Christmas tree was lit and the dying embers of the fireplace. How long had he been asleep for? Harry was sat next to him, leaning a little over him, looking at him with big green wide eyes. He was so beautiful and soft and Louis wanted to lose himself in him.

'Are you alright?' Harry asked him, his voice low and equally soft just as his whole aura.

'I fell asleep,' Louis said and what dumb shit came out of his mouth when around Harry he could not understand. Harry chuckled.

'You did. The day wore you out,' Harry said and he was still so close and he smelled so good, like vanilla and cinnamon and mulled wine. Louis didn't even realize he was moving towards him until his lips landed on Harry's. It was just a peck and Louis froze when he realized what he had done but then Harry cupped his cheek and was kissing him back. Louis' heart beat fast against his sternum because God this boy was beautiful and special and he was kissing him. When he felt Harry's tongue brush his lower lip, Louis nearly fainted. He parted his lips and Harry was in and he could taste him and God Harry tasted good and sweet. Harry leaned his body forward into Louis until Louis had no choice but to lean back into the soft couch with half of Harry's body on him, covering him. Louis gripped Harry's jumper and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and holy shit was the room getting hotter?Did someone stoke the fire? The only fire that was being stoked was the one inside Louis that had been dormant for so long he doubted it could ever be ignited again. Yet it was and it was starting to roar because Harry was kissing him with intent and purpose and passion and even though Louis had just met this boy, he felt it was right and he wanted, needed more of it, more of him.

When Louis kissed him deeper, Harry moaned and Louis was becoming hard in his jeans. Harry shifted his body, making Louis shift with him until they were both lying on the couch, Harry's body covering his Louis'.The long forgotten warm weight of a human body on him made Louis relax into the couch beneath him and if Harry thought that he was easy who the fuck cared? Certainly not him! He hadn't had sexual relations with anyone in a long while and yeah if that made him easy then so be it because there was no way he was going to deny what this Christmas angel gave him for anything in the world. He thanked the Christmas spirit for everything.

And then Harry ground down on him and Louis felt him so hard against him and he couldn't help the loud moan that escaped his mouth as he bucked up his hips off the couch straight into Harry's hard dick. Harry gasped straight into Louis' mouth and okay this was escalating quickly and one of them had to stop this because anyone could come down and find them there rutting against each other and panting into each other's mouths. Louis freed his mouth from Harry's lips.

'H-Harry w-we c-can't,' he panted as Harry's lips attached themselves to his neck, kissing, sucking, biting and wow Harry was hot and he was going to set him on fire.

'Why not?' Harry asked, lips moving just beneath his ear and Louis fisted his jumper tightly because he was hard now. Louis struggled to catch his breath.

'S-someone m-might come down,' he breathed. Harry raised his head and gave him a smile.

'So?' Louis blinked. What? Harry had a naughty side? Could he be anymore perfect? Did the Christmas spirit pluck Harry out of Louis' imagination and brought him to life? Louis didn't realize that he had been so good throughout the year that he deserved this! Santa who?

'What?' he croaked out. Harry reached up and removed Louis' fringe out of his eyes.

'They're all drunk. Nobody will be waking up. They all passed out,' he said quite confidently, lowering his head and nibbling at Louis' Adam's apple. Louis swallowed thickly.

'We ugh we h-hardly know each other,' Louis tried and he knew it sounded ridiculous because he really wanted to flip them over and fuck this boy into the couch. Harry chuckled against his neck.

'That's why we're getting acquainted,' he said and Louis rolled his eyes. Sassy. Harry raised his head and looked at Louis, his face serious. 'But if you find this weird we'll stop. I didn't mean to come on so strong but I um I kinda ugh liked you right away. It ugh was infatuation at first sight.' Louis chuckled. First fucking sight!There it was again!

'Does that even exist? Infatuation at first sight?' Louis asked him as he raked his fingers through Harry's curls and damn they were so soft and silky. Harry looked down and blushed a deep pink. He licked his lips and made to move off Louis but Louis held him down on top of him. 'Hey,' he whispered because he could see that Harry was embarrassed by what he had said. 'Look at me. Please,' Louis said and Harry raised his eyes and met his gaze. Louis smiled at him. 'I'm pretty sure it exits cos I-I feel it too.' He watched mesmerized as Harry's eyes brightened and a smile appeared on his lips popping his dimples.

'Yeah?' he asked. Louis giggled.

'Yeah,' he replied. Harry dived back in and captured his lips kissing him deeply and passionately. Louis kissed him back equally deeply and when Harry ground his hips down on him, Louis bucked up his own hips meeting Harry's own relentless hips. From there it escalated, both of them rutting hard against each other, kissing and panting into each other's mouths, moaning occasionally and trying hard to keep it down in case someone did wake up! Harry's hips moved fast and urgent, up and down over Louis' hard length.

'Lou..I-I'm c-close God you're hot, so fit fuck,' he groaned. Louis reached round Harry and cupped his ass cheeks and pulled him down on him as he rutted up.

'Come baby,' he whispered. 'I'm c-close too.'

'Fuck,' Harry whispered as he ground down harder into Louis then stilled,screwed his eyes tightly shut and came in his pants. 'Ohhhhh Goooood,' he moaned. Louis felt Harry trembling on him and his wetness seep into his own jeans and that was all he needed to spill into his own pants and fucking hell he saw Christmas stars explode behind his eyelids because this was hot and dirty yet innocent and pure. They trembled against each other, heartbeats fast and breaths a little too short. They remained like that for a moment longer until they came down. Harry swallowed thickly and opened his eyes, meeting Louis' blue eyes.

'Wow,' he whispered and smiled. Louis returned the smile.

'Wow indeed,' he whispered back and they both giggled quietly as they pressed kisses into each other's lips and Louis carded his fingers through Harry's curls again because he could. Harry slid off Louis'body and Louis moved to make a little room for him. Harry rested his head on Louis' chest, arm around his waist and leg over Louis' thigh.Louis wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulder. They stayed like that, quiet, the lights from the Christmas tree making the room soft and the logs on the fire crackling quietly as it died down. Harry raised his head a little to look at Louis.

'I...I'm sorry if I was too rash,' he said, his voice low and quiet. 'I um I'm not usually like this.' Louis rubbed his arm up and down.

'You weren't rash. I wanted to kiss you the moment I laid eyes on you,' Louis admitted.

'Really?'Harry asked.

'Really,' Louis confirmed. Harry drew circles on Louis' jumper.

'So like um this is.....was okay?' he asked a little uncertainly. How could this perfect boy feel uncertain about anything was beyond Louis. Louis smiled. He felt warm and sleepy and content.

'It's very okay,' he said. Harry smiled and pressed his lips together.

'Would you consider doing it again?' Louis chuckled.

'Do you?'

'Fuck yes,' Harry blurted out. Louis laughed softly. He looked down at Harry's upturned face.

'I'd like it too,' he whispered, placing a kiss on his lips. Harry smiled into the kiss and cuddled into Louis' side. He took in a deep breath and exhaled softly.

'The moment I saw you you felt familiar to me. I don't know why but you just did...you do. I can't explain it but you just do.' And Louis smiled as he placed a kiss on the top of Harry's head because God he felt it too but he was too shy to voice it to Harry for fear of sounding insane because how could you explain to someone you just met that they felt like home? How did you tell them without sounding like a fucking lunatic that they made you feel safe and warm as if you were home?

'I know,' Louis told him. And they slept like that, cuddled on the couch by the dying embers of the fireplace and the lights of the Christmas tree.

The next day they woke up before everyone else and went to their respective rooms for showers and met downstairs again, stealing kisses while Harry made tea which they drank in the kitchen as they watched the snowfall outside and played with each other's fingers. Something was blooming between them and Louis didn't feel inclined to fight against it. The way Harry was looking at him with glazed eyes and a sweet smile on his lips made Louis forget every rational thought. All that was going through his mind was how perfect Harry was, how good Harry tasted and the beautiful noises he made when he came. The rest could just fuck off thank you very much. Rationality be damned!

When the others started to wake up, they drifted apart because they catch upon this that had, whatever it was. It was much too new. They wouldn't understand would they how they had just only met yesterday yet they felt as if they had known each other for years? No, they wouldn't!Well maybe probably Zayn would with his Hallmark theory of love at first sight and shit! So they went back to barely knowing each other, pretending they hadn't kissed and made each other come in each other's pants on the couch.

But Louis was not very good at pretending, He never was and it was always a struggle for him to hide his emotions and hold his tongue so when Camille walked downstairs in her Christmas onsie, a messy bun, sleepy eyes and reindeer slippers and cuddled into Harry as she took a sip from his mug, Louis had to leave the room before he told her to get the fuck off his man because it was irrational wasn't it? Harry wasn't his man but God he wanted him to be. As he was walking out of the kitchen, Harris greeted him in the doorway wrapped in one of his usual silk kimonos and skimpy underwear because of course Harris had no shame or self preservation. He loved to flaunt his body and underwear.

'Babe,' Harris murmured sleepily wrapping his arms around Louis' shoulders, letting the kimono fall open on purpose to reveal a pair of scanty panties. Louis was quick to move out of his embrace earning a scowl from Harris.

'Harris, I told you before to be decent,' Louis told him hoping his voice conveyed his annoyance. Harris batted his eyelashes at him.

'I thought you liked me being indecent and naughty,' he said seductively and Louis rolled his eyes.

'I don't,' he said not bothering if he sounded harsh. He moved past him and headed to the front door.

'Grumpy,' Harris called after him as he closed his kimono and fastened the belt at his waist. Louis opened the door and took in deep freezing breaths. Harris was reaching his limit now. Every year he hit on Louis and every year Louis turned him down yet he insisted and Louis was tired of it. The door opened and Harry walked out carrying a blanket which he draped around Louis' shoulders and he kept his arms around Louis.

'She's not my type either,' he whispered in Louis' ear.

The days that followed were bliss. Snowball fights, sleigh rides, competitive board games, stolen kisses, late nights making out on the couch and Louis knew that he was falling for Harry; falling too fast and too quickly with no brakes but he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't sure he even wanted to stop it. Harry was everything and Louis was letting himself fall even though he might crash and burn after they all went their respective ways. But Harry did say that he felt it too didn't he?That ought to count for something!

On Christmas Eve they had planned to go down to the little village that hosted a few elite designer shops (where Louis might have sneaked off to get Harry a Christmas present) and a posh pub. They had dinner at the pub along with some drinks and champagne. As they were waiting for everyone to be ready so they could leave, Louis pulled Niall to the side.

'You know how you owe me one?' Louis asked. Niall nodded. 'I'm ready to collect.'

'What do you want?' Niall asked him.

'I need you to vacate our room tonight,' Louis told him. Niall smirked at him.

'You're thinking of getting laid?' he asked happily wiggling his eyebrows at Louis. Louis slapped him playfully on his arm

'Shut up!' Louis hissed.

'Harris?' Niall asked.

'What?The fuck? No of course not!' Louis spat at him. Niall raised a curious eyebrow at him.

'Then who?'

'None of your business. I need the room.' Just then Harry walked into the living room dressed in a pair of brown corduroy pants, a lime green jumper, pearls around his neck and a thick plaid jacket, his short curls perfectly messily styled. He gave Louis a soft smile and Louis felt his cheeks burn. Niall looked from one to the other.

'No fucking way,' he hissed at Louis.

'Shut up,' Louis said. 'So I need the room. You can sleep with Harris.'

'What? Nah man. If he can't have you he'll try it on with anyone and I'm not going there. I'll sleep on the couch.' He nudged Louis in the ribs. 'Gon get lucky tonight are you? And with Harry? He's a right catch!'Louis pushed at his shoulder.

'Not a word outta you Ni,' he warned him.

'I won't but man I envy you. He's lovely. So lovely Lou.' Louis smiled fondly.

'I know.'

Later that night they all returned to the cabin merry and bright singing Christmas carols as loudly as humanly possible. There had been karaoke at the pub and they had all taken turns singing and Louis had ended in a puddle of goo when Harry had sung "Juice" by Lizzo and "Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney.

They entered the cabin and Louis was nervous. He was sober and nervous because what if Harry wouldn't want to come up to his room? But they had been sneaking around and making out for the past few days and Louis wanted him and Harry had given him enough hints that he wanted more hadn't he? He watched Harry accept a cup of coffee from Zayn. Was he drunk? Louis didn't think he was drunk. He hadn't had much to drink while at the pub Louis had noticed and that was the problem wasn't it? That Louis noticed Harry too much.

Slowly, one by one, they all went up to their rooms until Louis, Harry and Niall were left. Louis got up and began clearing away the coffee cups. Harry got up to help him and they both went into the kitchen,Niall grinning at their retreating backs and he sprawled himself out on the comfy couch. Louis placed the coffee cups on the counter and turned to see Harry standing by the door as if waiting for Louis to say or do something and the look in his eyes was enough for Louis to cross the kitchen and press his lips to Harry's, slamming him up against the wall, one of his thick thighs going between Harry's legs spreading them. Harry whined in Louis' mouth, his fingers curling in his jumper, tugging him closer. Louis' tongue found it's way into Harry's pliant mouth. He could feel Harry hard against his thigh and he lifted his thigh a little rubbing into Harry's erection making him moan.

'Please,' Harry breathed.

'What do you want baby?' Louis asked him breathlessly, internally begging the Christmas spirit that Harry was asking politely to be fucked.

'You,' he panted, placing kisses on Louis' neck. 'You. In me. Please.' Louis chuckled.

'So polite. My um room is ugh vacant,' he said not wanting to sound too eager. Harry looked at him with an amused shocked eyes.

'Really? Can we go now?' Louis giggled.

'Eager?'

'Very,' Harry replied as he took his hand and tugged him towards the stairs.

'Wait,' Louis said stopping him. Harry turned to look at him. 'Are you....are you sober? I need to know you're sober because if you aren't.....' He was cut off by Harry's lips on his.

'I haven't had no more than three drinks. I'm sober Lou. I'm giving consent. It's very gentlemanly of you to ask.' Louis kissed him gently. Harry smiled into the kiss but tugged him forward and they kissed as they tried to be quiet and climb the stairs to Louis' room.

Once inside and the door was closed, Harry wasted no time in getting his hands on Louis. He tugged on his jumper. Louis raised his arms and let Harry take it off him and once it was off, Harry ran his hands over Louis' exposed chest, his long fingers tracing his tattoo just beneath his collarbones. Harry looked at him in nothing but awe and softness.

'God you're beautiful,' Harry murmured against his lips, his hands going to the button of his jeans. Louis let Harry undress him. When he stood before him naked, Harry took in a deep shuddering breath, exhaled softly and when he touched Louis again, he touched him with gentle shaking hands and soft kisses, peppering his neck and collarbones. 'You're extraordinary,' he murmured beneath his ear. Louis wanted to feel him too so he began undressing Harry cautiously still not entirely sure Harry wanted this but Harry was eager. When Harry was naked, Louis eyed him.

'Beautiful,' he whispered and Harry smiled shyly. 'Come here baby,' Louis told him and Harry went. Louis pushed him back gently onto the bed and Harry let Louis take the lead. Louis settled on top of him and it was an amazing feeling having his naked body covering Harry's naked body. Louis pecked his lips then looked at Harry.

'Top or bottom?' he asked him. Harry grinned at him.

'Bottom by birth,' he said and Louis chuckled.

'You're perfect. Perfect in ever way Harry. Are you sure you want this?'Harry rolled his eyes fondly.

'I'm naked, under you and I'm hard Louis so yes I'd pretty much say I want this,' Harry said. Louis grinned at him.

'You're a sassy little shit aren't you?' he asked him as he pecked his lips and Harry smiled and pulled him closer.

'I am,' he whispered. He thrust up his hips, rubbing his dick against Louis. 'Please,' he said again. Louis shivered because how could this boy be so perfect and how lucky was he to have met him? Louis began kissing down his neck, sucking, nipping at the skin making Harry squirm and moan beneath him. Louis loved how responsive he was to his touch. Apart of Louis' brain was ringing bells in the back of his head screaming at him that this was nothing more than a holiday romance, that Harry had other men and possibly women in his life and that once this holiday was over he would never see him again and they would just go back to their lives as if they had never met. Louis doubted he could go back to a life before Harry. Dared he hope that Harry would want to continue this, whatever this was, after they went back to their own lives? Would he want to stay in touch with Louis or was just this a good time without strings attached for Harry? Possibly, Louis thought but for him, for him it was special and he knew he was making a huge mistake attaching himself to this boy. Harry spelled heartbreak in big flashing Christmas lights but Louis was helpless and he was falling.

'Hey,' Harry said softly. 'Where did you go? I lost you for a bit.' Louis internally scoffed and wondered if he did belong to Harry enough that he would feel as if he was losing him. Probably not. Louis gave him a small smile, his mind still reeling. He could stop this now, get off him, get dressed and bolt out of the room or go ahead with it and let himself fall completely and if he never saw Harry again after the next few days, he'd spend God knew however long fixing himself and getting over Harry because was there even a thing as getting over this angel?

Louis reached over to the bedside table and blindly opened the drawer and grabbed the lube.

'I was just thinking about how do you want to do this?' Louis asked him.

'Such a gentleman,' Harry praised. 'I want to do it like this,' he murmured.'I want to see you.' Louis nodded. He popped open the lube and coated his fingers then reached down between Harry's spread cheeks. His fingers were shaking because he was nervous because he was not one for one night stands or for fucking a stranger. But here he was. He traced Harry's hole delicately making him jump a little. Louis pressed his middle finger against his hole, the tip breaching the tight muscle. Harry groaned.

'Tell me if I hurt you,' Louis said, his voice hoarse with arousal. Harry nodded and Louis pushed his finger all the way in. Harry was tight as fuck! Was he a virgin? His mind said no based on his assumptions that just because Harry was confident and charismatic and popular and a model he was surely to have slept with a lot of people but based on his tightness around his finger made Louis pause for doubt. What if Harry was a virgin? He hadn't thought about that! He had only assumed he wasn't.

'Harry,' Louis called softly, not moving his finger and keeping it still inside him.

'Hmm,' Harry whined. Louis swallowed thickly afraid of Harry's answer because what if he was a virgin?

'Harry ugh have you um like done this before?' It was a bit weird asking this now when he was knuckle deep inside his ass. Harry raised his head off the pillow.

'Ugh yeah but um not ugh often like I um haven't for a while? I'm s-sorry I should've ugh told you.' Louis sighed in relief. Okay not a virgin. He could work with that.

'How long ago have you?' Louis asked and he watched Harry furrow his brows thinking. That long?

'A um like a few months ago. Sorry I don't um usually sleep around. Y-You d-don't have to if...if....'

'Shh shh Harry it's alright baby. I just don't want to hurt you okay. Relax.I'll take care of you,' Louis promised as he leaned in and kissed him gently. 'I don't usually do this either. I'm not in the habit of sleeping with people I don't feel an emotional attachment to.' And the moment he said it, Louis wanted to bite his tongue off because why in the fuck of all that was Christmas did he have to go and say that? Louis saw Harry smile and felt him relax. He licked his lips.'I d-didn't mean....I meant....'

'It's okay,' Harry told him. 'I know what you meant.' He pushed his hips down a little letting Louis know he was ready. Louis obliged and pulled his finger out then slid it back in, watching Harry close his eyes and moan through parted lips. He struck up a rhythm and when Harry begged him to add another, Louis did, feeling Harry stretch around his fingers. He needed to open him up nice and proper if he was to take his dick. He really didn't want to hurt him.

After a few more minutes and three fingers deep of prepping Harry, Harry announced that he was ready and Louis' nerves were all jangled and tangled because he was about to fuck Harry and he was rattled with nerves at maybe not doing it right and disappointing Harry. He pulled his fingers out of Harry's ass and wiped them on the sheets. He pulled out a condom, tore the wrapper and rolled it on himself, Harry's eyes watching his every movement, rendering Louis even more nervous than he already was. He squirted some lube on the palm of his hand and he coated himself thoroughly. When he was done, he placed himself over Harry and lined up with his expectant and open hole. He pushed in and Harry groaned, his fingernails digging into Louis'biceps.

'Alright?' Louis asked with difficulty because damn Harry was exquisite. He was so fucking tight and beautiful.

'Y-yeah,' Harry panted. Louis pushed his hips forward a little more and the head slipped in, stretching Harry. The more he pushed in the more Harry whined and squirmed but he never stopped Louis once. His long legs were like a vice around Louis' waist and his fingernails were digging so deep in the flesh of his biceps that Louis was sure he would have ten small red crescents permanently embedded in his skin, which he thought he might get tattooed as a reminder of this glorious moment.

'Alright?' Louis asked again. Harry moaned and whined and shifted beneath him.

'Move,' he groaned and okay was pain his kink? Didn't he want to like take a second for the burn of the stretch to ease? Louis pulled out as gently as he could and thrust back in.

'Ahhhh,' Harry moaned, arching his back off the mattress. 'Again,' he groaned and Louis did it again and again. He picked up a rhythm thrusting into him deep and hard but slow and gentle not wanting to hurt him, pain kink or not! He only thrust a few more times when he was surprised as Harry stilled and came hard untouched. Louis didn't know exactly what to do because he had hardly began to fuck him properly and Harry had already come. Harry was shaking and clenching down hard around him as he spilled on his tummy and chest.

'I'm sorry,' he whined. 'I-I'm so sorry,' he said, his voice breaking and was he crying?

'Hey,' Louis said his voice soothing. Harry buried his face in Louis' neck.

'Please keep going,' he sniffed.

'No,' Louis began. Harry tightened his legs around Louis.

'Keep going. Please,' he said his voice thick and broken and okay Louis was confused because Harry was shaking and he was crying. Harry pushed his hips down to get Louis to move and Louis moved, gently, slowly,holding Harry to his chest because he didn't understand what just happened and why Harry was apologizing and crying. Louis felt his orgasm building and with every push and pull of his body inside Harry's body, he felt Harry's body move and go pliant and Louis knew Harry was letting him chase his orgasm. Louis buried his face in Harry's neck, kissing his soft skin, Harry moaning softly. Louis thrust in a few more times and spilled in the condom, groaning in Harry's ear. When Louis was done, he pulled out gently and lay down beside him. He gathered him into his arms and placed a kiss on his forehead.

'Hey are you alright?' Louis asked him his voice laced with concern. 'Why were you crying? Did I hurt you or do something you didn't want? Please talk to me.' Harry raised his head and looked at Louis.

'No you were perfect. I just....I- I came too quickly and I was so embarrassed. I still am. It's just I um haven't had sex for a while and you um you are like so fit and I couldn't hold it back. I'm so sorry for ruining it.' And Louis felt his heart reach out to this lovely Christmas gift lying in his arms because if this boy wasn't an angel, who was?

'Oh love,' he said, the endearment falling easily out of his lips before he could stop himself. He ran his thumb under Harry's eye feeling the wetness there. 'You were pretty amazing and there's no need for you to be embarrassed about it. If anything its a compliment for me and trust me I didn't know what the fuck I was doing because I was nervous.' Harry smiled softly and sniffed.

'You were? Why?' Louis shrugged.

'I wanted to make it good for you.' Harry moved closer to him and pecked his lips.

'You did. You're the best I've had in a long while.' And Louis had so many questions waiting to fall from the tip of his tongue like : How many others have you had? Who am I being compared to? Can I keep you? Can I make you mine? Will you please be mine? But he knew it would be weird to voice out these questions not to mention how he would probably freak Harry out.

'I'm glad,' he chose to say instead. Then he decided to push it a little. 'At least I will be memorable and hard to forget.' Harry's face went serious.

'Even without the sex you would be hard to forget,' he whispered. Louis felt a lump close in his throat but he said nothing because what was there to say? They had just fucked after a few days of knowing each other, they couldn't like plan their future could they? Instead he hugged Harry tightly to him and pulled the duvet over them. He placed a kiss on Harry's forehead.

'Sleep,'he said and Harry swallowed the disappointment because he knew that Louis was a free spirit and this was just the result of the circumstances they found themselves in. Harry wanted to blame it on the alcohol, on the festive season, on their biological needs but none of them really made valid sense. The only thing that made sense to him and that scared the shit out of him was that he was falling for Louis and there wasn't going to be a safety net to catch his fall.

The days passed by in a flurry of snow and festivities among friends. Louis and Harry continued to grow closer as the day of separation grew nearer and nearer. On Christmas day when Louis had found a moment to pull Harry alone, he gifted Harry a Gucci bumble bee broach which had made Harry emotional and he shed a few tears in between apologizing for not getting Louis anything but Louis had kissed his tears away and had told him that Harry himself was his Christmas gift.

During the days between Christmas and New Year, Louis and Harry had let whatever it was between them bloom and grow. They made love every time they found a chance and kissed whenever they were alone. They were not ready to tell their friends about what was going on between them because they didn't know themselves. They needed to find out if what they had was real once they were separated after the New Year and Louis went back home while Harry flew to New York. They had made plans and promises beneath the duvet late at nights after having made love, promises of keeping in touch, texting, calling, face timing and meeting up when it was possible.

The New Year came and passed and on the second day of 2020, the group of friends each nursing a terrible handover began packing up their stuff to leave the cabin and back to their lives. Louis and Harry felt as if the world was coming to an end but Harry reassured Louis that this was just the beginning and next year, when they met up at this cabin to celebrate another Christmas and New Year, they would also celebrate their first year together. Louis had smiled, resting his forehead against Harry's and swallowed his tears.

Louis arrived home later that evening and he felt his separation from Harry physically hurt. He dropped his bag by the door, not bothering to unpack and went to the kitchen. He turned on the kettle and took out his phone. He smiled at his home screen, a selfie of him and Harry on Christmas day out in the snow. He saw that he had a message and opened it.

[From Harry]

Boarding now. Miss you already and its been only four hours :(

Louis smiled and composed a text.

[From Louis]

Just arrived home. I feel like half a person without you. Miss you so much:(

He hit send and made his tea. He figured Harry wouldn't reply for another few hours until he landed at JFK so he drank his tea, took a hot shower and got into bed. It was hard to sleep without Harry even though he had slept all his life minus two weeks without Harry but he missed his warmth, his soft skin and his gangly limbs wrapped around him. However he had fallen asleep with a smile on his face knowing that he had a whole future to look forward to going to bed and waking up with Harry.

When he woke up in the morning, groggy as he was, he reached for his phone and turned it on, the bright light momentarily blinding him.There was a text waiting for him and he smiled happily, his heart fluttering in his chest like a humming bird. He tapped the message.

[From Harry]

Landed safe and sound. Heading to my flat. In much need of a cuppa, shower and bed. Miss

you;)

Louis giggled happily and quickly typed a message to Harry knowing that he would be asleep by now but he would see it when he woke up.The time zones was going to be a bitch to keep their communitcation going but he was ready to stay up late nights just to talk to Harry. He hit send without knowing that that was the last message he would get from Harry.

January passed and Louis was beside himself. He hadn't heard from Harry again after the message he had received from him informing him that he had arrived safely in New York. He had sent him countless messages asking him why he was not replying and why was he ignoring him and begging him to please remember what they had promised each other back at the cabin underneath the warm duvet, but Harry remained as silent as a tomb. Louis had tried to call him but his call had always been diverted to voice mail. To say he was hurting was an under statement. Niall had tired to console him offering various possibilities as to why Harry had not replied but Louis was acting crazy saying that no one was too busy to send a one second text. No one! Not the President of America, not the fucking Prime Minister of the UK and certainly not the fucking Pope so whatever Harry was busy with, he had to have one free second to text him, even while taking a shit because he had to shit! Everyone has to shit and Harry could easily text him while taking a shit so Niall's point of Harry being busy was fucking useless.

In February, Louis thought he was going to have a heart attack. While scrolling on Twitter bored out of his mind, he came across an article announcing that Harry Styles was dating Camille Rowe and a picture of the happy couple, Harry holding her hand and her bag while Camille smiled happily, wearing the Gucci broach that Louis had given Harry last Christmas. Louis had looked at the picture and cried his heart out and blamed himself for falling for Harry when he knew that Harry would forget him the moment he got to New York. His gut had been right all along but he hadn't listened. He went ahead and fell for him now he had to pay the price.

Louis tried to carry on with his life but Harry seemed to b eeverywhere! He was Gucci's muse after all and he was on every fucking billboard, bus, magazine and Twitter. Haus of Styles was partnering up with Gucci for a new line that Harry was going to design with the help of Alessandro Michele, the creative director for Gucci. He had read an interview that Harry had given for Vouge Magazine stating that his new line was gender free because what was even masculine and feminine anymore? Harry had made it a point to say that just because he wore certain outfits didn't make him gay and Louis had laughed like a maniac and screamed at his phone :

'No asshole clothes don't make you gay but my dick up your ass does you fucking motherfucker!' Louis wanted to smash his phone when Harry thanked his girlfriend Camille for the support and inspiration. He would've actually smashed his phone if he wasn't pathetically still waiting for Harry to text him.

Spring and Summer were torture for Louis. Harry had started modelling for Gucci and he was also part of a new Gucci perfume along with Harris. Harris! Louis had forgotten all about Harris! He was with Harry in Milan or fucking Rome or whichever medieval city in Italy they were in! Louis pulled out his phone and called him. It seemed to ring endlessly and Louis was beginning to drown in self misery when Harris answered.

'Harris!' Louis exclaimed.

'Louis darling,' Harris greeted him.

'Harris hey,' Louis repeated again. 'Where are you?' He could hear voices and noises in the background.

'I'm in Milan. Fashion week you know.' Fashion week? Louis didn't know what the fuck was fashion week. 'This is quite a surprise Louis. You called me,' Harris said and Louis hated himself for getting his hopes up but he needed to talk to Harry but he decided to be civil first.

'How's um fashion week going? And the perfume? I saw the ad for it.' Harris giggled.

'Oh everything is just wonderful. Zayn is taking amazing pictures of us which you will see soon. I will personally send you a signed copy of the magazine we will be featured in.' Louis rolled his eyes. God Harris was so full of himself but he would take the magazine because Harry would be in it!

'How's Zayn?' Louis asked. He knew he was beating about the bush,maybe not one bush but he couldn't outright ask to talk to Harry.

'He's such a professional. Makes us work hard but yeah. Especially Harry. He wants so much out of Harry but Camille is here and she takes such good care of him. I mean, I've never seen such a devoted girlfriend.I can only dream of finding a boyfriend who adores me the way she does.' Louis felt the room spin. She was with him there? She was still with him seven months down the line? So Harry was serious about her? And what had he been to Harry? A past time? A casual fuck?But Harry had promised him. So much for fucking pillow talk!

'Louis?' Harris called.

'Yeah um sorry I ugh have to go. Bye Harris good luck.' He hung up and had a good cry because he had been so stupid, so fucking stupid.Harry had used him and he hadn't seen it. He had been so blind, such a romantic fool to believe that a guy like Harry could be serious about someone like him. His brain snickered. Well at least find comfort in the fact that you're not the only one. Think of Kendall! Poor girl. She wanted him too! At least you got to fuck him! And Louis vomited in the kitchen sink.

Niall had done the best he could to console him, to help him move on but Harry's betrayal had hit Louis hard because Harry had promised him that they would keep in touch and Harry had promised him that it would be alright, that they would be fine but he had betrayed Louis.He had wanted Camille all along and had forgotten his late night whispered promises after Louis had fucked him nice and proper. Louis ached at the memories and Niall had begun to back off because Louis was becoming irrational and mean and a recluse.

Louis kept up with Harry via Twitter. He knew that Haus of Styles and launched Harry's new designs in collaboration with Gucci. Harry had risen to success over night as a designer and a model with Camille firmly by his side and Louis felt all kinds of jealousy and hate and anger so much so that he didn't know what to do with himself. His friends, those that still dared talk to him, didn't know what to do with him either. They had stopped asking him to go out because whenever he did, he got blind drunk and cried his heart out over the boy that had betrayed him.

In October, Louis met Luke. And Luke was the rebound and punching bad he had being looking for to vent out all his anger on. He met Luke at his local pub one evening while Louis was on one of his pitiful drinking binges and Luke was replacing Alister because he had gone out of town to visit his family. Luke was cute and friendly and shamelessly flirting with Louis. Louis had to admit that the distraction in the form of Luke helped quite a bit to boost his severely wounded ego. Luke was good looking and fit with curly shoulder length dirty blond hair and lip ring. After ten months of feeling like a reject, a left over, a used nobody thrown away and replaced for a half wit blonde model wanna be, Luke's attention and blue eyes on him were like a soothing balm to his wounded ego and shattered heart. Which was why Louis took him home with him that night and drunk as he was fucked him into the mattress, face down because he couldn't look into a face that wasn't Harry's, then rolled off him and passed out. In the morning when he woke up, Luke was there, showered, dressed looking fresh, smiling at Louis and nursing his hangover with a full English and coffee.

As so Louis didn't exactly know how three months down the line, Luke was still around. Luke wasn't stupid. He knew Louis was damaged goods and he knew that there was somebody who had hurt him really badly and that he was nothing but rebound sex and nothing more than a friend to Louis but he was okay with it. He wasn't looking for anything serious and in all honesty, Louis had never made him think or believe that they were anything more than friends or fuck buddies because Louis had to admit that Luke was a great friend, a good lay and a good cook. He wasn't difficult, didn't ask for anything more than Louis could give him and was fun. It was easy and just what Louis needed to get over the Gucci asshole!

Until....until Niall popped over in the beginning of December making plans for their cabin get away with their friends.

'No way in Dante's seven rings of hell am I coming to that god damned cabin Ni. I came last time and it fucked me up,' Louis said as he downed half his bottle of beer.

'Louis...'

'Niall no fuck off. I'm not coming.' Louis rested his palms on his kitchen counter and panted heavily. Just the thought of seeing Harry again, of being in that cabin with him for two whole weeks was sending him into a panic attack. Luke entered the kitchen then, his hands full of dirty mugs. He saw Louis struggling, put the cups down and stood beside him, rubbing his back up and down.

'Breathe,' he told him softly. Louis tried to draw breath in but images of Harry from last Christmas were assaulting him, choking him, squeezing his lungs till he couldn't breathe. Images of Harry smiling in the snow. Harry's sleepy eyes as he lay curled on the couch with a mug of hot tea in his hands. Harry in his ridiculous ugly jumpers but looking adorably soft and cute in them. Harry jumping and fist pumping the air when he won a game. Harry's face when he made him come, the sounds he made. Harry whispering promises of a future together to him in the silence of the night.

'No,' Louis choked out. 'I c-can't go back. No.' Luke rubbed his back.

'Who ruined you like this?' Luke asked him softly, his lips brushing his sweaty temple. And Louis really wished he could channel all the feelings he had for Harry to Luke because Luke was amazing and deserving of love and Louis knew that if he gave Luke a chance, Luke would love him. Instead his fingers curled around the edge of the counter and he bit down hard on his bottom lip because why did life had to be so fucked up?

'Ey none of that. You'll hurt yourself,' Luke told him as he uncurled Louis' fingers from the counter and gently pulled his lip free from between his teeth. Louis looked up at him with watery blue eyes,silently asking for help, for Luke to mend his heart, for Luke to take away this damn pain in his chest that felt like a load of rocks pressing down on his heart. Luke pulled him to the table, pulled out a chair and sat him down. He put the kettle on to make him a cuppa. Niall sat across from him.

'Louis, its been a year. You can't keep letting him effect you this way. He's moved on,' Niall said.

'You think I don't fucking know that? You think I don't know I was just a means for the holiday season? That I was just a novelty to him? Something to pass the time with? You think I don't fucking know that the great Harry fucking Styles wouldn't want me?'

'Woah Harry Styles?' Luke said turning round from the kettle to look at Louis with wide shocked eyes. 'Harry fucking Styles is who ruined you? I mean woah!' Louis turned to look at him.

'Luke,' he whispered. Luke held up both his palms as if defending himself.

'Hey I'm not judging. I'm just surprised you like know him let alone....I mean wow. I'll shut up now.' He turned and went back to making tea. Louis sagged in the chair. Great! Now more people knew what an idiot he was, falling for Harry motherfucking Styles. It was comical really and funny when you thought about it. Like Harry was beautiful and rich and a model with a girlfriend and then there was him! He didn't even want to think about it because it was like a sacrilege against nature. He wasn't Harry Styles material! What had he been thinking? How could he have even dreamed that Harry would choose him? How had he spent a whole year broken over him, hoping, waiting for anything from him when he was off modelling and designing clothes that made him so great? People wanted him. He had a girlfriend! So how did he, a nobody like him dare to dream?

'I'm not going,' he whispered. Luke came back to the table placing mugs in front of Niall and Louis then grabbed one off the counter for himself and sat down next to Louis. He took his hand in his.

'I know there's nothing serious between us L and I know I might be stepping out of line here but I consider myself your friend and its my duty as a friend to tell you what's on my mind.' Luke paused giving Louis a moment to decide if he wanted to stop him talking or not but Louis said nothing, just looked at him with big blue eyes.Luke squeezed his hand.

'We've been friends for over three months now. I've SEEN you even though you think you are hiding. You're not. Your pain is on the outside L and you have to take care of it. Otherwise you are going to bleed over everyone you come in contact with. You don't sleep well. You drink. You find ways to justify your pain by hurting yourself emotionally, depriving yourself of feeling. Yes Harry hurt you.....'

'Please,' Louis whispered because had Harry really hurt him or had his own expectations hurt him?

'No L you need to hear this come on. I know we've never been open like this and I never dared ask any questions but now that I know I can't just sit by and watch you waste away and as much as I enjoy our friendship and sex, one day I might find someone who I want to be with and I want to make sure that you are okay yeah.' Louis blinked because it had never crossed his mind that Luke might want to find someone and settle down with. How selfish was he?

'Louis you need to let it go,' Luke continued. 'At this point you have two options. Go there, face him and get him out of your system or stay here and get over him. I'm gonna tell it to you straight, not to hurt you but because someone has to and you need to hear it. If he wanted you, he would be with you right now. He has a girlfriend, been with her for the past year and whatever you two had, it clearly wasn't important to him. We make time for the people who are important to us L. We put in effort for the people that are important to us. We don't hurt them, use them or leave them. So please L you need to decide what to do. I ugh can come with you if you decide to go. I can pretend to be your boyfriend if you wish. I will do anything for you, you know that. You're my mate. With benefits,' Luke said grinning. And Louis was floored because he had been so wrapped up in his pain and his worries that he hadn't realized that Luke was truly his friend and he had just been using him as an out left for his frustrations. Yet here he was, not bitter about it, offering to help him, wanting what's best for him. Louis leaned forward, wrapped his arms around Luke's shoulders and pulled him to his chest. Luke started because Louis had never shown him affection during the past three months. Yeah Louis fucked him but that was just it. He never cuddled or held him or asked if he was okay so Luke melted a little into his arms, his fingers curling into Louis' t-shirt. Louis buried his face in Luke's neck, his curls still damp from his shower tickling his face.

'Thank you. I don't deserve you,' Louis admitted. Luke chuckled.

'Of course you do. Everyone is deserving of someone to care for them L.'

'You're so good to me and I-I've been so selfish,' he said. Luke pulled back from the hug and looked at Louis, a smirk on his face.

'Oh you've been good to me too in bed. You're not selfish there. You give plenty trust me,' he said. Louis playfully slapped him on the arm.

'Shut up dickhead!' Luke threw his head back and laughed then clapped his hands.

'So are we going to the cabin or what? I really need a break, you know a little vacay and meet the legendary Harry Styles.' Louis rolled his eyes.

'He's not THAT legendary,' he said bitterly. Luke grabbed both his cheeks between thumbs and forefingers.

'From how you've been pining over him, I'd say he's legendary as fuck. And time to show him you're as equally legendary because Harry Styles lost a diamond in the rough. I'm gonna go pack.' Luke got up and left the room. Louis looked at Niall.

'Guess I'm coming after all.'

Louis' heart was beating really fast when Niall parked their rented Range Rover in front of the cabin. There were other various cars parked already so they knew that they weren't the first to arrive. Luke got out first, stretching and looking around, his boots crunching in the snow. He pulled open Louis' passenger door.

'This is fucking amazing. You should've told me its more of a mansion on the mountains than a cabin!' Louis rolled his eyes.

'It's a cabin Luke,' he said flatly. Luke grinned at him and cuddled closer.

'Anything you say boyfriend,' he said in a mocking tone. They had agreed that Luke would be his "boyfriend" for the duration of their holidays because as Luke put it "someone should make Harry Styles jealous and he was going to be the one to make him so and besides, Louis should show Harry Styles what a piece of beautiful ass of a boyfriend he had!" Louis had laughed loudly at that and had to admit that Luke was fun to be around. Louis allowed Luke to hold him as they made their way inside, Niall coming up behind them.

Once inside they were greeted by Liam, Zayn, Harris (who stood frozen on the spot when he saw Luke all over Louis) Kendall, Gigi and Bella.Louis looked around, searching. No sign of Harry and Camille. Louis introduced Luke to everyone (Harris nearly had a stroke when he heard the words "my boyfriend" coming out of Louis' mouth) and everyone immediately took to Luke, hugging him and laughing with him, making him feel welcome in their group and Louis wished he could feel more for Luke because Luke was easy and fun but last Christmas, the fucking Christmas spirit had fucked him up pretty bad so there would be none of that this year. No Sir! This year Christmas spirit can go fuck it's self because there would be none of that for Louis. He looked at Liam and Zayn. Louis was a bit pissed at them because when he had called to inquire about Harry, knowing Zayn was taking Harry's photo shoots, they had divulged nothing about Harry to him. Zayn hugged him tightly.

'How are you?' he whispered in his hair.

'M'fine,' Louis grumbled. He wanted to be mad at them but how could he? Zayn pulled back and looked at him.

'You look good,' he said. Louis' eyes darted to Luke who was chatting up with the girls then Louis looked back at Zayn.

'He's not here is he?' he asked. Zayn shook his head.

'No. He's um occupied else where.' Louis felt himself deflate. As much as he hadn't wanted to see him, he HAD wanted to see him and this felt like a slap to the face because Harry didn't want to see him and he had made sure that he was going to be "occupied elsewhere" just to avoid seeing Louis. Maybe he had been invited to Camille's family's house or he had taken her to his family's home.Who knows? After a whole year together he supposed it was the next thing to do : meet the parents! He had to stop thinking these things.

'Hey Lou,' Liam called to him and pulled him away from Zayn (and his ugly thoughts) into a warm hug.

'How are you?' he asked. And Louis wished they would stop asking how he was because it showed that they all knew how gone he was for Harry. Louis patted his back trying to swallow down the bitterness he felt at Liam for having avoided him when he had tried asking about Harry during the summer.

'I'm alright,' he said and hoped to the stupid Christmas spirit that got him in the mess in the first place that it was the last time he had to say it. It grated his throat to say that he was fine when in reality he wasn't. Liam released him, gave me another look to make sure and when he seemed to trust that Louis was indeed okay, he went back to the others, ushering everyone into the kitchen for tea and mince pies that Zayn had just baked. Louis sighed in relief when everyone filtered out and he was in silence. He couldn't believe that Harry was not coming! He mentally cursed himself because deep down, very deep deep down he had constructed this scenario in his head where they met again and rekindled what they had had last year and Harry would explain why he hadn't got in touch with him and Louis would forgive him and they would fuck and make up and Harry would confess his love for him and tell him that he wanted him for the rest of his life. Louis scoffed and wanted to vomit really hard because he was a higher lever of stupid that had yet to be invented. He felt arms wrap around his shoulders and he jumped.

'Hey,' Luke told him softly. 'You got this okay. He's not coming. You can relax and enjoy the holidays. You still got me. You can fuck me to your heart's content. I ain't going to complain,' he chuckled and Louis melted into his embrace because Luke was amazing. 'Come on, let's grab tea and then unpack. We're sharing a room right?' Louis looked at him and couldn't help but smile. He took his hand.

'Yes we are. You're my boyfriend and boyfriends share a room.' Luke grinned.

'Cool.'

They relaxed in the kitchen. Drinking tea, eating mince pies and everyone telling what they had been up to the past year. Luke sat close to Louis, his arm around his waist being the supportive boyfriend that he was. Louis began to relax and laugh a little with his friends and it was easy to talk about what he had been up to the past year without ever bringing Harry or his feelings for Harry up.Luke told them about how he and Louis had met, also keeping out the fact that they had met when Louis was shitfaced, crying over Harry on the bar top. It was all easy and fun, warm and familiar. Then they heard the front door of the cabin open. Liam looked at Zayn.

'Are we expecting anyone else?' Zayn shrugged.

'No,' he said as he slipped off the stool and made his way to the living room followed by Liam. Everyone else stayed in the kitchen and listened to low voices in the living room wondering who the new comer was. They didn't have to wait long. Liam and Zayn walked back into the kitchen, their faces solemn and their eyes on Louis. Behind them walked Harry. Louis froze on the stool he was sitting on because Harry was here and he was fucking gorgeous. Luke tightened his grip on Louis keeping him steady. Kendall, Bella, Gigi, Harris and Niall all got up to greet him. Harry smiled and hugged them but his eyes sought out Louis and it was then he realized that Louis was sitting still, cuddled into the gorgeous man beside him. Harry swallowed thickly and moved towards them.

'Hi Louis,' he said softly. Louis didn't even raise his eyes. He kept looking at his mug, his fingers wrapped around the ceramic till his knuckles were white. And then Luke came to the rescue. He stood up and held his free hand out to Harry giving him his bright smile.

'Hi. I'm Luke. Louis' boyfriend. Its such a pleasure to meet you.' For a moment Harry did not move. Boyfriend? Louis had a boyfriend? his throat and smiled, taking Luke's hand.

'Harry,' he said. Luke grinned brighter.

'I know. A bit of a fan,' he admitted. Louis still did not life his eyes or talk to Harry. Harry offered Luke another smile.

'Thank you,' he said. Then it went quite and it all became very awkward : Harry standing on Louis' left, Louis sitting down with Luke standing on his right facing Harry not knowing what else to say, Liam, Zayn, Bella, Gigi, Kendall, Harris and Niall all looking from Louis to Harry as if expecting something. And Louis couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and pushed the stool back. He looked at Luke.

'We should unpack babe. I'm taking our bags up to our room alright,'he said and leaned in pecking Luke's lips. Luke smiled into the kiss and chewed on his lip ring.

'Be right up Lou baby,' he said. Everyone saw Harry's face blanch at their PDA. Louis pushed past Luke and went out into the living room,grabbed their bags and hurried upstairs. He flung the bags down on the floor, closed the door and he collapsed. He sat on the bed trying to calm his rising panic attack at seeing Harry after a whole year aching and pining for him. The tears blurred his eyes and he knew he was pathetic but he couldn't help the way he felt. Harry had been something else. Harry had been the person who had touched him in away nobody ever had and he had had no choice in falling for him and maybe his friends thought it was stupid and childish but he FELT for him. He knew he wanted him and needed him and it was a hard pill to swallow to know that Harry didn't give two shits about him.

The door opened and Luke walked in. When he saw Louis sitting there shaking and panting he was beside him, holding him. He had seen enough of these panic attacks courtesy of Harry so he knew how to deal with them. He sat down beside him and took his hand, rubbing soothing circles in his palm.

'Hey, its alright. You're alright. Seeing him is not going to kill you. He just surprised you. Now take in a few deep breaths L, you need to calm down. I know you haven't seen him for a year and he's like the angel from your nightmares come to life but you need to get a grip yeah.' Louis took in a few deep breaths, his heart pounding so fast it hurt. Luke rubbed his back with his free hand. 

'You'll be alright L. You've got me. I'm not leaving you alone in this okay. You've got me.' After a few minutes, Louis calmed down enough to be able to breathe properly and calm his racing heart.

'Thank you,' he told Luke in a hoarse voice. Luke grinned at him.

'You're welcome as always. How are you feeling?'

'Like I've been hit by a truck,' Louis admitted.

'He's that effective huh?' Luke asked barely concealing the jealousy in his voice. Louis looked at him, an apology in his blue eyes.

'I don't want to use you,' he said queilty. 'You are so good to me.'

'I'm using you too. You give good head!' Luke told him giving him a wink. Louis slapped his thigh.

'Be serious.'

'Oh I am. You're the best lay I've had in a long while so we're both benefitting from this arrangement. Don't feel bad L. I don't feel used by you. It's good yeah.' Louis looked at Luke with tender eyes.

'You're amazing,' he said.

'I am aren't I?' Luke smirked. 'Now, how do you want to handle Hurricane Harry?

'Can we just go back home?' Louis asked in a pitiful voice.

'And what's that gonna solve?' Luke asked him. 'Do you want him back?' Louis scoffed.

'In case you haven't noticed, its HE who doesn't want me Luke.' Luke chewed on his lip ring.

'Well when I introduced myself as your boyfriend he looked like he was going to have a stroke,' Luke told him. 'Why would he look like that if he didn't want you?' Louis rolled his eyes.

'Luke he had a whole year to get in touch with me. He chose not to because he's not interested in me. It's as simple as that. You told me that yourself.' Luke turned a little towards Louis.

'Yes I did. Before I met him and saw the way he looks at you. Look, I'm going to say this as your friend okay but maybe he has an explanation for not being touch? Maybe there's a reason behind his Houdini act?' Louis looked at him in disbelief.

'Yes there is. HE. IS. NOT. INTERESTED. IN. ME,' Louis said pronounciating each word. 'When people are not interested in you, they cut all contact. He never owed me an explanation. I expected from him and I hurt myself with those expectations Luke. He has a girlfriend!'

'She's not here,' Luke pointed out. Louis rolled his eyes.

'Maybe she will come later, or tomorrow or the next day. Or maybe she's busy modelling. I don't fucking know. I don't need this Luke. I just don't.'

'Okay okay but all I'm saying is that you should talk to him, you know, get it out of your system. You got it out of your system with everyone but him who's the main cause of your pain. So I suggest you should lay it out to him, ask him why, demand an explanation.' Louis got up from the bed.

'No. I don't want to hear how he doesn't want me. How what we had was just a fun few days for him and I don't want to see the pitiying look on his face when I have to explain to him how I've fallen for him. He will think I'm stupid and naïve. He's Harry fucking Styles Luke for fuck's sake.' Luke stood up and gabbed Louis from the top of his biceps shaking him a little.

'And you're Louis what the fuck? Why are you diminishing yourself and comparing yourself to him? L, he was born into this. He didn't have to work for it. He's had it all going for him since birth. It's what he was born into that has made him great. People fall at his feet.They open doors for him to new opportunities that make him greater than he already is but at the end of the day, he's just a man L. He's just human like you and me. You have made him into this huge persona when all along what is he? Just a beautiful man born into a rich family and he became a model and a designer through friends who recognized his talent. Under all that, there's a heart like yours,that might or might not feel the same things you do so unless you talk to him, unless you hash this out between you, you'll never know. Sometimes we have to risk making a fool of ourselves for the people we feel for. You need to talk to him.' Louis blinked back the tears.

'What if he doesn't feel anything for me?' he asked in a small voice .Luke grinned.

'Oh baby, but what if he does?'

Louis and Luke made their way downstairs again, hand in hand because Louis still needed the support of his "boyfriend" to keep him grounded in Harry's presence. Everyone was in the living room putting up the tree. Harry was laughing with Niall but stopped suddenly when Louis and Luke walked in, his eyes zeroing in on their intertwined hands. His laughter stopped but he offered the both of them a soft smile, his eyes darting away quickly. When Niall said something funny again, Harry did not laugh. He only smiled with his lips closed. Luke gave Louis a wink as he sat down on the couch and pulled Louis down next to him. Luke wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulder and pulled him close. Louis leaned into him and Luke kissed him gently. Louis had given in to Luke's please of letting him have an ass of a time making Harry jealous even though Louis insisted it wasn't going to work as Harry was not interested in him. Luke pulled back and looked at Harry who was looking at them with a solemn expression and were his green eyes greener? Luke internally laughed because his jealousy was shining through his eyes. Oh yes the green eyed monster called Jealousy had reared it's head!

'So Harry,' Luke said pulling Harry out of his thoughts, 'where's Camille?' Louis stiffened beside him because this bitch was going there wasn't he? He was set out to prove Louis wrong in his assumptions of Harry. Harry cleared his throat.

'Ugh she um we ugh we broke up,' he said averting Louis' eyes.

'You did?' Kendall asked perking up at the news and Louis wanted to tell her to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up because what did he say? He and Camille broke up? When? How? Why? Harry fidgeted with the tangled fairy lights in his hands. Why did they always give him the damn tangled up fairy lights?

'Yeah ugh we we weren't compatible,' he said quietly. Louis internally scoffed. After a whole year you discovered you weren't complatible?

'But you were together for a year and you figured that out now?' Luke pressed and Louis wanted to slap him and kiss him at the same time.Luke was prodding Harry for his benefit and Louis was thankful because Luke was asking the questions he didn't have the balls to ask. Harry gave him a sad smile.

'It ugh was um complicated,' he said quietly as he tried to untangle the fairy lights but managing to tangle them up even more. Louis wanted to get up and go help him but instead he pushed up off the couch.

'Gonna go have smoke love,' he told Luke. Luke nodded as Louis bent at the waist and pecked his lips. Luke watched Harry's eyes follow Louis as he made his way into the kitchen. He pushed open the backdoor and stepped outside into the frigid air. He needed to breathe,to release the choking feeling in his lungs. He took out a cigarette and lit up. He inhaled deeply letting the nicotine calm his frayed nerves then exhaled a plume of white smoke. He had been anticipating the back door opening so it didn't surprise him when he heard it slide open, soft footsteps crunching on the snow covered deck walking towards him.

'Hi Louis,' Harry said quietly. Harry's voice went through Louis' veins and made him shiver. He inhaled again and did not look dare at Harry. He heard him shift from one foot to the other. 'Can we talk?' he asked softly. Louis snorted.

'No we can't,' Louis said curtly. Harry turned towards him but Louis kept looking out towards the forest.

'Please,' he said quietly. 'I know you don't want to talk to me....'

'You're right I don't,' Louis said as he stubbed out his cigarette and turned to go back inside but Harry blocked his way.

'Louis please, I need to.....'

'I don't give a shit what you need Harry,' Louis growled at him. 'I don't want to talk to you. Now move.' But Harry didn't move.

'No. I can't let you go back in there without explaining.....'

'You were okay letting me go by a whole year without explanation so I'm sure you can....'

'I- I w-wasn't okay leaving you without an explanation! Please I want to explain....

'I don't care about your fucking explanation! Now get the fuck out of my way.' Harry stood his ground.

'No!' he said like a petulant child. 'I know you have a boyfriend now....'

'Exactly. I have a boyfriend now.....'

'So my explanation won't....'

'It won't matter to me,' Louis spat at him. Harry sighed heavily.

'Can we please please stop cutting each other off. Please Louis.' Louis wasn't sure if he was ready to hear what Harry had to say. He rubbed the bridge of his nose.

'Whatever explanation you have for me now, I don't need it,' Louis told him a little calmer.

'Do you love him?' Harry asked.

'What?' Louis asked him thrown off by the change in conversation.

'Luke. Do you love him? Do you.....do you call him baby like you used to call me?' Louis wanted to say yes, that yes he loved Luke but he didn't. He couldn't say he loved Luke because he didn't. Not the was Harry was insinuating at least. He opened his mouth to answer Harry but couldn't think of something to say to Harry's sudden question.They looked at each other then Louis coughed.

'It's none of your business,' he said dryly.

'How long have you been together?' Harry pressed.

'It's none of your business Harry,' Louis replied a little angrily. Harry looked at him with wide eyes.

'Did you...' he paused and swallowed thickly and hesitated as if searching for his next words. 'Did you forget me?' he asked quietly and Louis wanted to fucking strangle the spirit of Christmas past for crossing his path with Harry's.

'You have some fucking nerve asking me that!' Louis hissed. 'I think it was you who fucking forgot me Harry.' Harry took a step towards him.

'I didn't. I swear I didn't. I just...I....' Louis looked at him and raised an eyebrow at him.

'You what Harry? You forgot to think about me while you carried on with your life and your girlfriend as if I never happened to you?' Louis asked him bitterly. Harry shook his head and looked down.

'It wasn't like that Lou,' he said and Louis felt his insides turn to liquid fire at the nickname falling from Harry's lips. He looked so small even though he was taller than Louis. Louis wanted to hug him but he stood his ground.

'Whatever,' Louis said and pushed past him, opened the sliding door and stepped inside the warm kitchen. Harry followed him.

'I didn't forget you,' Harry said his voice pleading. 'I couldn't even if I tried.' Louis turned on him angrily but stopped short because Harry was so beautiful in his huge brown pants and ugly ass rainbow jumper and pearl necklace and snow melting in his curls and he looked vulnerable and sincerely honest. Louis swallowed thickly. Luke had told him to let Harry have it and he was going to let him have it.

'Did you lose my number? Because if you did, you worked with Zayn who is my best mate so you could've asked for my number. And you're best buddies with Harris and you fucking know he wears my number out texting me so you could've asked him for my number. Stop making excuses.'

'I'm not,' Harry defended. 'I didn't lose your number. I swear Lou. I still have it.' And Louis curbed his fond because Harry sounded lik ea little child. Louis took in a deep breath and exhaled.

'I'm not up for your games.'

'I wanted to call you I swear. I wanted to text you but,' he paused again struggling to find his words, 'I'm closeted Lou. My parents don't know I'm gay.' The words that came out of Harry's mouth shocked Louis to the core. Harry was closeted? Harry licked his lips and continued when he saw that he had Louis' attention.

'Camille knows and she was my beard. We're friends and she agreed to help hide me until, well until it was the right time to tell my parents and I didn't want to start anything with you until I was able to. What would have been the use to start something with you when I had to hide it? And its been a busy year. I was flying everywhere and I didn't want a long distance relationship with you. I knew I couldn't make time to meet up with you and even if I could make time, I couldn't risk be seen with you for fear of....of rumors about me. Haus of Styles was embarking on a huge project and I couldn't ruin it for my parents. I have a great responsibility to them. They were counting on me to close the deal with Gucci and we did. I launched my clothes line and I did all I had to do but I never forgot you. There was not one day that went by that I didn't think of you.' Louis looked at him with his mouth open.

'You're closeted?' he asked. Harry nodded. Louis looked at him, his eyes searching his face. 'So what was I?' he asked his voice no more than a whisper. Harry gave him a small smile.

'You were everything I have ever hoped to find in life and when I found you, I had to give you up because I couldn't be with you. I couldn't drag you in my chaos so I figured if I let it go, I would forget and my....my feelings for you would die.' Louis blinked trying to process all that Harry was saying.

'Your feelings?' he asked because what fucking feelings was Harry talking about? Harry looked down and played with the rings on his fingers then looked up and met Louis' blue eyes.

'I...during those ten days we spent together and believe me, I am well aware this might sound crazy to you. Fuck it sounds crazy to me but I...Louis I fell for you and I know I don't have the right to say this because you are with Luke now and he's such an amazing guy and it's not fair for me to say all this now because you are happy but I...I fell for you so hard. I was very miserable when I went back to New York because when I got back to my real life, I knew it wasn't possible to be with you and the more I tried to kill my feelings for you, the more they grew and the more I wanted you and missed you.'Harry looked away from Louis' eyes. And holy fuck! The Chrsitmas spirit was working its damn magic again!

'You could've told me,' Louis said. Harry's head snapped up.

'No I couldn't have. I didn't even know if you felt anything towards me. I reckoned it was just a holiday thing. I mean, its crazy to feel such strong feelings for a person you just met isn't it? It would've freaked you out had I told you. Besides, even if there was a chance you felt the same way, why tell you when nothing could come of it? In my head it was crazy to feel something like I did for you.' Louis clenched his fingers into fists.

'It's not crazy,' he said lowly.

'What?' Harry asked.

'Its not crazy to have feelings for someone you just met,' Louis said and he watched Harry taking in his words.

'You mean.....'

'Yeah,' Louis admitted. 'And you hurt me so bad Harry. You nearly drove me to of my mind.' Harry's eyes widened.

'Oh my God I...I'm so sorry Louis I....I didn't.....'

'I know,' Louis cut him off because now he knew why Harry didn't keep in touch. He wasn't sure he understood his reasons or that it made sense but at least he knew that Harry felt the same way.

'I'm sorry I caused you pain. It wasn't my intention. I thought it was for the best.'

'Why did you even come here? Why did you tell me now?' Louis asked him because he needed to know what had changed. Harry licked his lips.

'After I got the deal for Haus of Styles and I launched my clothesline and I modeled and all that, I felt that even though I had achieved much, I wasn't happy and I wasn't living at all. Yes I have a lot going on for me but I don't have the most important thing.Freedom. I don't have that Louis. And because I wasn't free, I had to let you go. But I didn't totally let you go. I couldn't stop thinking about you. Your voice, your eyes, your bread on my skin, your hands on me, the way you made me feel when you made love to me, the way we talked and the way you laughed. You brought sunshine into my life and once I had a taste of it, I couldn't let it go. So I came out to my parents. I told them about you even though but then I knew I'd lost you. But they were great about it and we are finding a way to make it public and official. I didn't want to come here because there are too many memories of you here, of you and I. I look around and I go back to last Christmas. Then I changed my mind and I came here with the hope of begging you to give me another chance but I lost my place. I was shocked when I saw you with Luke. Shocked. Jealous. Full of regret. You name it, I'm feeling it all but I understand you know. A person like you is so hard to find and of course someone would snatch you up.' Louis stood there feeling so many things all at once and feeling as if was spiraling.

'B-but I-I saw you with Camille. On Twitter. She w-was wearing the b-broach I gave you last Christmas,' Louis said. Harry smiled sadly.

'She loved it and wanted to borrow it. I couldn't say no. She was doing so much for me. I didn't think....' he paused and gave Louis another sad smile. 'I did tell you she's not my type. Remember?' And Louis had remembered yes but he had doubted and assumed and none of what he had thought about Harry was true. Louis swallowed.

'So you ugh....you told your parents about me?' he asked dumbly because fuck Desmond and Anne Styles knew about him. Harry blushed.

'I did. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have I know but....'

'It's okay,' Louis said. He hesitated about what he wanted to ask next but he had to know. 'What did they say?' Harry smiled shyly.

'I showed them the pictures from last Christmas and they said you are very beautiful and that they can't wait to meet you. I told them what I did and they told me to come here and apologize till I was blue in the face because I did you wrong. They told me to fight for you. And to bring you to meet them for the New Year. I...I didn't know....that um that you had moved on and found someone else. And I'm happy for you Lou really. Luke is great. I'm happy you're happy.'

'You're not happy. Stop lying,' Louis called him out. Harry looked at him with desperate eyes.

'No I'm not. I'm hurting but I deserve it. I went about this the wrong way and I'm being paid for it. What do you want me to say? Leave him and take me back?' Louis smirked at him.

'You could try,' he said. Harry blinked and furrowed his eyesbrows in confusion.

'What?' he asked. Louis took in a deep breath and exhaled.

'You can try asking me to leave him,' Louis told him. And Harry was already shaking his head.

'I can't do that to you Lou. It would be selfish of me.' Louis internally rolled his eyes because Harry was too good.

'I thought your parents told you to fight for me?' Louis asked.

'Yeah and I had every intention to do so before I knew there was Luke. I like him. I can't fight him for you.'

'So you're going to be a coward huh? I didn't take you for a coward Styles,' Louis said and he was enjoying himself playing with Harry now that he knew that Harry felt the same way as he did.

'No..I-I'm not a .....I mean you're happy.....'

'I'm not,' Louis said, deciding to put Harry out of his misery and himself too. Harry blinked at him like an owl.

'What?'

'I'm not happy Harry,' Louis said softly, quietly. 'You are my happiness.'

'But Luke....'

'Luke is not my boyfriend,' Louis told him and watched Harry's face soften and relief flood his features.

'He...he isn't?' Harry asked, his voice choked. Louis shook his head and watched Harry's eyes fill with tears.

'But I have been fucking him for the past three months,' Louis told him right out because he wasn't going to lie and he saw the pain flash in Harry's eyes. Harry wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and nod.

'Okay,' he said and he looked down but Louis saw the tears drip down from his lashes. He moved towards him.

'I was angry Harry. I was very hurt and very angry. I met him in October. It only started then,' Louis said because he felt that he owed Harry an explanation too. 'When I didn't hear from you, it was very hard for me to cope. During those ten months, I became anxious and desperate. I thought....I thought I was just a fling to you and when I saw you with....her....I became so jealous and bitter and full of hate and it wasn't me. It felt so horribly wrong. I tried to get over it all but you were on every fucking billboard and bus right in my fucking face.' Harry chuckled and sniffed.

'Sorry,' he said. Louis put his finger under Harry's chin and tilted his face up. His eyes were red and it made Louis feel bad to see Harry crying. He realized he never wanted to see him crying.

'Luke helped me. He's a good friend and he um he gave me a way to vent.' Harry swallowed thickly because he knew that the way Luke had let Louis vert was to fuck him into the mattress and it hurt so much but he was to blame for it. 'I wasn't going to come here either because I knew it would kill me to see you with her but Luke....Luke is truly amazing. He convinced me to come here and face you. He told me that either way I had to do this and he came up with the idea to be my boyfriend to make you jealous.'

'And fuck it worked,' Harry sniffed.

'Sorry,' Louis said. Harry shrugged.

'I deserved it.'

'You didn't,' Louis said. 'I have feelings for you Harry. You're not crazy rest assured. It was the same for me.'

'Yeah?' Harry asked him, his red eyes alight with new found hope. Louis nodded. 'So ugh do you want to um like....'

'Yes,' Louis replied. 'I want us to have another chance.' Thank you Christmas spirit, Louis grinned internally. And then Harry was on him, wrapping him in a tight hug, burying his face in his neck. Louis could feel his heart thumping against his own.

'Oh my God thank you. I'm so relieved Lou. I thought I'd lost you for good.' Louis hugged him tightly.

'Never,' he whispered. Harry pulled back and looked at him with tender eyes. Louis leaned forward and kissed him gently. Harry kissed him back, parting his lips for Louis, cradling the back of his head.

'God I missed you,' Harry said into Louis' mouth. 'I...I never thought I'd see you again.' Louis pecked his lips.

'I missed you too and I'm here now. We're together Harry.' Harry giggled against his lips.

'So you're my boyfriend now?' he asked hopefully.

'If you'll have me,' Louis replied.

'I'll have you fuck I'll have you,' Harry said kissing him again,their bodies crushing together. Louis dug his fingers in Harry's hips and pulled back.

'So I'm meeting your parents for the New Year?' Louis asked a little wary because they were Desmond and Anne Styles of Haus Styles and fuck he was nervous.

'If you want to,' Harry said. 'If you're not ready they can wait. There's no rush.' Louis hesitated a little.

'I'd love to meet them,' he said. Harry smiled, popping his dimples that Louis had missed so much.

'I'm glad. I want to take you home. Happy Christmas Lou,' Harry purred happily. Louis pecked his lips.

'Happy Christmas baby,' he said as he leaned back in to kiss his beautiful boyfriend..


End file.
